For many of us, the chance to explore our sexual fantasies never seems to roll around. Be it down to shame or embarrassment, the lack of a partner in crime, or even that our favourite boat floater would be considered a crime, many of our turn-ons stay firmly stashed in our heads. The rub is that, to reach our full sexual potential, we need to understand what makes us tick. A great way to discover what really gets us going is to start exploring sexual fantasy through erotica.
Yes, I do mean settling down with a pen and paper, a keyboard, or a paintbrush and letting your mind take you wherever you need to go. You don’t need any particular writing or painting skills to write erotica. If you’re planning to share your stuff with the public on a blogging platform then some skills are useful, but if you’re doing it in the same manner other folks would journal then your style only matters to you. The world is your oyster and once you decide on your medium, you’re safe to delve as deep into your fantasies as you’re comfortable with.
Whether you’re writing words, painting erotic imagery or creating comic book strips, there are a few things to bear in mind. For me, the most important thing I’ve learnt is that all fantasies are perfectly okay. Do you get tingles from the idea of being abducted by aliens and impregnated? Totally fine. Fantasise about being trapped in a submarine with a frisky tentacle monster clinging to the outside, trying get at you like you’re a sardine in a tin? Cool.
Or do your fantasies lean away from the fantastical and more towards the darker, psychological end of the scale? Stuff like being targeted by a stalker, bundled into the back of a van by strangers, or used against your will? All absolutely okay.
In fact, for a lot of fantasies, fully indulging in them in our heads and then playing with them in words or images is the only way we get to explore them. I mean, it’s not like we’re ever gonna be able to organise a sasquatch to stumble across our tent in the woods, is it? And it goes without saying that we likely all believe that forced scenarios or illegal ones are best left to the imagination. But just because we wouldn’t want something to happen to us in real life doesn’t mean that it’s wrong to fantasise about it. Fear can be a potent aphrodisiac.
My own fantasies largely feature threats to my life. I lean towards both the fantastical (vampires, monsters etc) and the psychological (false imprisonment, forced scenes etc) when it comes to the stuff I fantasise about. And yeah, I do write all that stuff out. Once I’m done tweaking, quite a lot of it ends up on my blog.
Of course, it would be simple enough for us to leave it all in our heads and play with scenarios in real-time, as and when we need to, but I think that writing fantasies down does something special. It gives us the opportunity to build them up, to record vital details we might forget to include next time. We can see which parts really get our hearts racing because we’ve either gone into the minutia of the scene or we’ve been so into it we’ve scribbled down the basics so we could be free to do…other things.
Just remember that it really is okay for you to explore whatever you wish. Legality doesn’t matter, physical safety doesn’t matter. You are free to say and do whatever you like in the safety of your own mind. And if you do write it down, you’re always in a position to hit delete or slip a piece of paper into a shredder. Just because you wrote it doesn’t mean you have to keep it, but if you do be sure to keep it safe from eyes that shouldn’t see it.
Also, if there’s a chance that you could be traumatised by going on a journey through some of your darker fantasies, take care. As with everything connected to sex, it’s important to know and respect your own limits, both in body and in mind. Be ready to distance yourself if you need to.
Once you’ve explored your fantasies in story or art form, you have the option of sharing them with your partner/s/ Some of the more feasible ones may even be achievable. Many folks find verbally communicating a sexual fantasy with another person quite difficult. Take me as an example. I’m a sex blogging erotica writer with hundreds of stories out there in the world, but I still get tongue tied when sharing a new fantasy with my partner.
If you’re comfortable with the idea, handing over a written story or erotic painting is a great potential ice breaker. Let them check it out, let them chew it over, and then ask if they’d be happy to discuss it further or even make arrangements to make it a reality. But it’s important that you know exactly what you want from your own fantasy before trying to make it real. Especially if a lot of the work has to be done by someone else. And for me, one of the best ways to get to know a fantasy is by putting pen to paper.